The Proposal
by Sean1
Summary: Ben proposes, trouble ensues


Felicity: "Hey, the Gang's All Here."  
  
Felicity sat in front of her old dorm window. It felt strange to be back here again, but with tape recorder in her hand, and the lights dimmed, it felt like old times again. Although it was silent outside in the hallways, no voices blending together into an ambient sound, no footsteps, it helped calm her nerves. She raised the tape recorder to her mouth and began to speak.  
  
"Dear Sally. Something has happened again. It seems that even though I have been away from everyone for the past year and a half, I can't seem to shake them. They are still there, lurking around the corner. Sure I get phone calls and post cards from them all the time, but sometimes when things happen like they have recently, I feel like I haven't left New York at all. Let me explain."  
  
The air was fresh and cool. Ben lead the way. With one hand holding her's and one hand gently covering her eyes, Ben lead Felicity to an unknown spot. Felicity was giddy with slight laughter. She knew something big was going to happen. She just didn't know what. All the sudden they stopped. Ben sighed. "OK, you can open your eyes," he said with a crooked smile, folding his arms in front of him. Felicity opened her eyes and saw that they were standing in the middle of their high school field, where they had graduated. At first her eyes showed slight disappointment, but then she hid it the best she could. Ben noticed, but knew that her feeling of disappointment would soon disappear. He came in close and hugged her and began to speak in that slightly-above- whisper tone. "Here goes," Ben sighed again. He was nervous. He smiled again and his eyes became wrinkled semi-circles. "I know you are asking yourself why we are standing here on the fields of our high school. Well, I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I figured that this is where we began. I remember what I wrote in your yearbook, something about watching you for four years. Well I did. I watched you for those four years not knowing who you were at all. The next four years I spent getting to know you. They were the best four years of my life." "Oh, Ben." Felicity tried to speak but Ben went on. "You said once that I had made you fall in love with me. It was crazy at the time, but now it all makes sense. You made me fall in love with you." Ben said and got down on one knee. Felicity took a step back and covered her mouth with her hands. She was starting to cry. "I know I had proposed before, right before we graduated college, and it was kind of lost for a while, I don't know, things got crazy. But I want to make sure that you know I was serious this time, and not just trying to smooth things out with the baby. I mean it this time." Ben said and removed a ring from his pocket and held it before Felicity. It sparkled in the setting sunlit sky. "Felicity Porter, will you marry me?"  
  
"Of course I said yes. I mean, here I am, someone who followed a guy across the country and pursued him for four years. When he asks me to marry him, I didn't even have to think about it. It was just that I felt like the final chapter of my life had begun. After marrying Ben my life would then. end. I know it sounds worse than it is, but I can't help but feeling that the only time I ever really lived was in college. Sure I lived a lot those four years, but after graduation, things kind of settled down into cruise control. I took graduate classes in Palo Alto, which was weird, not being New York and all, went to work at the art museum and volunteered at the health center where my father works. It all became routine very fast. Living with Ben was great. We had our own apartment, far better than the one our junior year. But here I am, two years out of college, and feeling like my life is basically complete. Some people might want to feel that way, but I still felt like I had some living to do. "Ben and I had decided to go to New York for a week and break the news to everyone in person. Sure we had been engaged before, but this time it was for real. I had to show everyone the ring Ben had bought me. Well, as soon as I stepped off the plane at LaGuardia, I felt better. I felt like I was home again. That feeling of emptiness, of life being over, left me as soon as I saw the city again. It was then I knew that I couldn't leave. I couldn't go back to Palo Alto. I didn't know how to tell Ben this, but somehow, by week's end, I would kind of have to. He is my fiance"  
  
The taxi ride was a welcome excursion to Felicity. She looked over the skyline as if she had never seen it before. Ben seemed excited as well, checking out different places he hadn't seen in almost two years. Arriving at the loft, Ben paid the fare and then strapped the various bags to his back and buzzed the intercom. "It feels weird doing this. The whole time I lived here in college, I don't think I ever had to use this." Ben smiled and looked toward the ground. "Just being back is weird, isn't it?" "Yeah," Ben paused. "In a good way though." "Definitely in a good way." Felicity agreed. "Blumberg Productions," Sean's voice came over the loudspeaker. Felicity and Ben looked at each other and laughed. "Nothing has changed." Felicity laughed. "That voice sounds familiar," Sean said over the intercom. "Felicity is that you?" "Yes, buzz us up Sean, Ben's back is breaking from all the bags I am making him carry." "I thought you weren't supposed to get in until tonight," "Sean, come on! Buzz us up!" Ben called out. "Oh yeah, right." Sean said and buzzed them up. Finally getting upstairs was a relief. The loft was always a safe haven for Felicity. So much had taken place here. She felt at home. Footsteps sounded down the spiral staircase. Megan soon appeared. "Let me see that rock," Megan said and grabbed Felicity's hand. "Ben, that's all you could spring for my girl here?" Megan said as she hugged Felicity who was bursting with excitement. "Megan," Ben replied as he took off the various bags. "No, it's beautiful. You did good, for once." Megan quipped. "So how are you guys?" Felicity asked as she made her way over to the couch with Megan. "How do you think being married to Sean is? It sucks!" "Oh come on. I would kill to live here in the city again." Felicity said as she plopped down on the couch and sighed. Ben gave her a look of uncertainty as Sean came over and patted him on the shoulder. "Congratulations. again." Sean said and hugged Ben. Ben, as always, tried to free himself from Sean's grip. "I know I am going to be the best man, right?" Once Ben was free, he composed himself. "Yes, jeez. I wish you would have given me time to ask. I even brought you a gift." Ben said as he opened his bag. "A gift?" Sean looked at Megan and Felicity with a smile. "I love surprises." Ben removed a gift and handed it to Sean who tore it open. It was a book for inventors. Sean looked it over. Ben waited for another thank you hug. "Oh this one. I have this all ready." "Oh, well you can take it back. I have the receipt." "No. I love it. It's from you. That is the important thing. And I would be honored to be your best man." Sean said and hugged Ben. Again Ben tried to wriggle himself from Sean's grasp. Eventually he made his way over to the couch with Felicity and Megan. Sean joined them. "So, when's the wedding?" Sean asked as he sat down beside everyone. Ben readied himself to answer, but Felicity cut him off. "Oh that's not important. We'll get to that later." Felicity turned to Megan. "Tell me about everyone? How is Elena doing?" "She said that Duke is a bitch, and that it's been kicking her ass. She said it's tough not being able to study without Tracy. So she went back to the M&M thing." Felicity started laughing. "I remember that." "Elena said she was going to try and make it back up some time this weekend to see you guys." Sean added. "That would be great, right Ben?" Ben looked at Felicity without saying anything for a moment. "That sounds great." "So how are Noel and Zoe?" Megan and Sean looked at each other in silence and then back at Felicity. "What, you have to tell me. I haven't heard from them in a few months." After another prolonged silence, Sean began while looking at his hands, trying to find the words. "They aren't doing too good." "What do you mean?" Felicity asked and Ben saw the worried look fall over her face. "Well, things started to go good for them after the wedding. They seemed really happy, bought a house on Long Island and came to stay here over the weekends a lot. We had a lot of fun together. But then Noel was offered a job in Boston. I couldn't go because of the loft and Megan, and things had never really clicked with us working together so I told him to go without me. Thing is, is that Zoe didn't want to leave the city either. They had taken some trips there to visit Noel's family and Zoe had a hard time doing it. She got really homesick. So once Noel realized that there was no way that they could move back to Boston, he just left. We haven't heard from him since. This was about three months ago. Zoe isn't doing so great, she moved in with her parents. That's about it I guess." "Are you serious?" Ben asked, not knowing that it would be. "Well Richard left to find him about two weeks ago. Said he was going to find his friend again. Haven't heard from him either." Sean replied. Felicity remained silent on the couch with her hand covering her mouth. Her eyes shot back and forth. "Felicity, are you all right?" Megan asked. Ben noticed and sat next to her and rubbed her back. She then got up and left the dorm.  
  
"So here I am. Back in New York, thinking that everyone would be glad to see me again and be excited about Ben and I being engaged. But things turn out differently sometimes, I guess. You'll never believe where I am recording this message right now. I am in my old dorm. The door to Kelvin Hall was unlocked and I saw a janitor downstairs cleaning, so I crept up here to think. Speaking about that, I better go. I hear someone coming. I'll talk to you soon."  
  
A knock was heard that the door. Felicity got up to open it, fearing that it would be the janitor asking her to leave. It was Ben. "Hey," Felicity said and opened the door. A strange feeling came over her like she lived here again. Ben stood there, silent, looking intense. He walked in. "Are you all right?" "What do you think?" "I don't know Ben? What is wrong?" "I thought this trip was about us. Our engagement. Not an hour after we get to loft, all you care about is what everyone else is up to, and then you leave!" "It was all too hard to understand. I needed time to think." "What about me, your fiancé? In case you forgot, you said yes." "I needed time alone. I thought that everyone would be happy for us. Instead I found myself worrying about them." "Felicity, you didn't even give them time to be happy for us. Sean asked when we were planning to have the wedding and you cut me off. Then you find out that Noel and Zoe aren't doing good and you, you up and leave." "Ben, I'm sorry." "Are you thinking that now that Noel and Zoe might not be together, are you having second thoughts about us?" "No, it's not that at all." "It doesn't sound like that to me." "Ben, I love you." "Then don't shut me out. Don't cut me off when I want to talk about our wedding." Felicity was silent. She was beginning to cry. "What is it?" Ben asked. "I was making a tape to Sally before you came, and I was telling her that I felt like." "What," Ben asked. "That my life was beginning to end by marrying you." Ben took a step back and his face showed the pain that the words had caused. "What does that mean?" "Before I met you I was a bookworm. I had no life. Then in college I started to blossom. And before I knew it, I was becoming someone. Those four years flew by and they were the best years of my life. Now, it just feels like everything is over." Ben was silent, looked at the floor, then at Felicity, then left. Felicity retreated to the window seat and started to cry.  
  
Felicity trekked to Dean & Deluca. New York was as gentile as she remembered. Various people going in different directions, each with their own story to tell. Felicity needed to get her story out to someone who would listen and respond immediately. She pushed open the doors and walked in to the store. Javier was standing behind the counter, talking to someone trying to work the coffee machine. "Look," Javier said and lightly slapped the guy on the hand. Felicity stood back and watched for a second with a smile on her face. "You must show this machine some respect, Christopher. Because if you don't, it will come back and bite you in bussom when you least expect it. Now go in the back and get me some more beans." Javier stood at the coffee station and then turned around to hand the cup to a customer. He nearly dropped it when he saw Felicity standing there. "Ay Chihuahua! Look who it is? Instant break!" Javier took off his apron and lead Felicity over to a table and sat her down. "Would you like a muffin? Something to snack upon?" "No thanks," Felicity smiled. Javier sat next to her and scooted his chair over next to her. "So how have you been? Did you come back with Benjamin?" Javier glistened with excitement. "Yes," Felicity spoke quietly. "We wanted to surprise everyone. He proposed to me. again." "Oh Felicity that is so wonderful. What did you say?" "Javier, what do you think I said? Of course I said yes." "I know, it's just that I know that you two had that problem with that Claire a while back. Oh goodness she came into the store once and she had some fake Gucci bag, oh it was so hideous. I gave her wrong directions to the museum. Aren't I the devil himself?" Felicity was overcome with laughter. "Oh, it's so good to talk to you in person again." "Yes, don't let it be another year and a half before that happens again." Javier said and slapped her hand. "So where is Benjamin. Is he still as cute as I remember him?" "That's why I came to talk to you." "Felicity, what did you do? Oh you did not go and make him look all intense like he does sometimes, did you? Oh the other day I was watching Cinematherapy on Women's Entertainment and they had this movie about a serial killer on and the guy playing the killer looked like Benjamin when he gets upset, I had to turn it off. I know my Benjamin would never do such things!" "Well, I just had been thinking that since Ben and I got back together the last time that my life seems kind of. finished. I missed going to college and not knowing where I was heading. Now that Ben and I are engaged for real this time, I kind of feel like my life is pretty much over. Aren't I terrible for saying that?" "Yes, I want to pinch your pretty little head. I can't believe that you think this! You made Benjamin find a path in his life, that is why he loves you! Now you want to forget about direction? You are going to make Benjamin find a direction to someone else. You know that Julie is back in town, don't you? And her butt is like a muffin. Ben might want to squeeze that muffin when he sees it, you know?" "Julie is back in town? For what?" "She is playing the Garden this weekend. She is opening for some band that is playing there. She came here to invite me herself, wasn't that sweet of her?" "Yes, very sweet." "Look you, my instant break is almost over. You better go find Benjamin and tell him that you love him or he might go find Ms. Fake Gucci bag or something. Or I might find him myself and. well, you get the picture. Go tell him you love him!" "I will. And I do love him," Felicity said. "You better," Javier said and stood up. Felicity did the same. "How long are you here for?" "For the rest of the week. But I don't want to leave. That is another thing. I need to tell Ben that I don't want to leave." "That is good. You shouldn't leave. But don't leave without seeing me again, OK?" "OK," Felicity said and hugged Javier. Just as Felicity turned to leave, Richard stormed into the store and saw Felicity standing there. "There you are!" Richard hollered out. Felicity was shocked. "You are my only hope! Come with me and I will brief you on our mission." Richard said and escorted Felicity out of the store. Once outside, Felicity freed herself from Richard. "What is going on, Richard?" Felicity asked. Richard paced around for a second and then stood face to face with Felicity. "I saw Noel. I went to Boston and tracked him down like the dog he is for leaving Zoe and the rest of us." "What happened?" "He's in bad shape. He says that his life never went the way he wanted it to. That nothing worked out. So I need you to go there with me and show him that your life sucks too." "Richard, what are you talking about? I like my life." "That's not what your tape says," Richard said and removed the tape recorder that Felicity uses to send Sally tapes. "Oh yeah, I heard that you feel empty now that you and Ben are engaged. I went to the loft and Sean said that you left after finding out what happened with Noel. Then I heard on the radio that Janitor Bob said someone broke into the dorm at Kelvin and I knew it was you so I went to check it out. You left your tape recorder behind and I listened to it." "Richard, those tapes are personal." "It was a need to know basis and I needed to know." "So you were checking up on me?" "I have my contacts." "Janitor Bob?" "Yeah, he used to come by my dorm at Kelvin when I had the satellite dish connected," Richard paused. "Those were the days. when Noel was. my friend. Now you and your sucky life are going to help me bring him back."  
  
"Dear Sally. I told you things had gotten strange right? I could never imagine things could get even more strange. Turns out that Richard located Noel in Boston and he said that Noel is a wreck. So now Richard wants me to go to Boston with him and tell Noel that my life isn't so great either to try and convince him to come back. I don't know if I can go and leave things the way they are with Ben. From what I know, he thinks that things are over between us for some reason. He never gave me a chance to say that back in New York, things seem to be much better. Even though I am in the middle of a crisis right now, I feel at home in it. I missed them back in Palo Alto. Well, I'll talk to you soon."  
  
Felicity watched Sean and Richard play a video game for a while before Megan came downstairs and started making a drink. Felicity watched her for a second before she came over to her and bumped her out of her trance. "What's wrong? Where's brooding boy?" "Ben?" "Yeah, what's he doing?" "Sean said he's been in his old room all day." "Go get him." "What?" "Or I'll do it." Megan sighed and put down her drink and walked over to the door and opened it. "Ben, come out here." "Megan, I don't really feel like." "Front and center!" A few moments later, Ben emerged from the room and looked at Felicity as he came closer. He leaned against the back of the sofa. "Ben, woah. I know we're friends, but I never need to come into close contact with your ass, OK?" Richard said and Ben sat down at the table with Felicity and Megan. "What?" Ben sighed. "Felicity, you are going to Boston with Richard to find Noel, right?" Megan facilitated. "Uhh, I was thinking about it." "What? When did this happen? Were you even going to talk to me about this?" "Quiet, fuzz head." Megan intervened. "I think we can all agree that Noel is a friends of all of ours, right?" Megan called out. Sean and Richard continued with the game. "Hey, one nut and virgin boy! I'm talking to you!" Megan called out again. "I'm not a virgin for your information. I had Jane. Junior year." Richard retorted. "Whatever. I was saying that Noel is everyone's friend, right?" "Yes, but I'm his best friend." Richard said. "Wait a minute. I thought I was Noel's best friend. We were business partners." Sean said. "No, you are Ben's best friend. You can't be Noel's best friend too." "What, why not?" "Because. Ben and Noel are like arch-enemies. They are like Barkley and Lambier, Clinton and Dole, Hitler and Churchill. One person cannot stabilize what they have going on. That's why Ben doesn't want Felicity to go to Boston. He's afraid that Noel and her might get together again." "Ok, I am not Hitler. I'm not" Ben replied. "And it's more than this new trip." "What is it exactly?" Felicity asked. "You know what." "No I don't. And I don't think that you know either." Felicity said. "I think that you are scared. After all this time of taming me, and making me yours, all the sudden you are the one who's not ready for commitment." "Taming you? Is that what you think I've been doing all this time?" "Wasn't there a play about that?" Sean quipped. "Sometimes. Especially at times like this when you are running away to Boston." "I'm not running away. I'm going to help Noel." "People, people! I was saying that we are all Noel's friend. And if people are going to get upset, then we should all go to Boston to get him back." Megan said. Richard stood up. "That's not going to work." "Why not?" Megan asked. "Because if I couldn't bring him back to reality, we all can't do it together. Ben, I know you won't like this, so cover your ears or something, but Noel needs Felicity right now. He's in a place that only she can bring him out of. I don't know, the two of them have something together that Ben and her don't have. Now that doesn't mean that they are going to fall in love again or anything, but whatever that something is, it's what Noel needs right now." The group remained silent. Ben got up. "Fine. But if you go to do this," Ben paused. "I might not be here when you get back." He said and left. Another moment of quite passed. Felicity held her head in her hands. "Felicity, Noel is my friend too. No matter what Richard says. If he is in trouble, go help him. I know Ben loves you. I will make sure he knows that what you are about to do is for the best." Sean said and followed Ben. "Yeah. Noel needs you now. I hope he didn't overdose on beets." Megan said and went after Sean. Felicity and Richard were in the loft alone. "Look I know I said that you and Noel won't get back together, but that doesn't mean we can't." Richard said and put his arm around Felicity's shoulder. Felicity shuddered and freed herself from his grasp. "Richard!" "What," Richard said as Felicity retreated to her bedroom. "But Megan called me virgin boy!" "Leave me alone!" Felicity called out from behind the closed door. "That's OK. You don't need Tricky Dick tonight. Our flight leaves early tomorrow. So sleep tight." Richard said and left.  
  
Out on the street Sean caught up with Ben, grabbed his arm and pulled him around. "Hey, what's your problem?" Sean asked. "I don't want to talk about it." Ben said and started walking away. "You can't keep doing this, you know. One day Felicity isn't going to be there when you get back. Not the other way around like you said. She is your fiance, isn't that enough for you? Don't you care about Noel?" Ben turned back around. "It's not just that. She said that she feels like her life is over by marrying me. You saw here earlier today. She cut me off when you asked me about the wedding." "She's just excited to be back. Did you ever think about that?" "No," "Felicity loves you. You love her. I've never seen so many problems occur over what everyone knows is true love." "Oh come on, this is coming from someone who endlessly argues with his wife about, what was it called, shoe jackets?" "That is different." "I bet it is." Ben started walking again. "Why can't you just accept that Richard might be right and that Noel needs some help? Are you that selfish?" "Besides the fact of her telling me that she feels empty, ever since she slept with Noel on the roof the beginning of senior year, I've been waiting for her to realize that Noel had his life together, and I didn't. I have a kid with my father's AA sponsor. That like qualifies for the white trash championship or something. Noel is running his own company. Now he needs her. I just see the pieces of the puzzle falling together." "Look, you are obviously going to be on your own tonight. And maybe you do deserve that. But don't do anything to mess up what you and Felicity have now, and when she gets back." "Yeah," "And be careful. You're like some trouble magnet. You think I forgot about the time you were mugged at the loft? I lost my idea book over that." Ben kept walking.  
  
The next morning, Sean was up, preparing a few things for Felicity. He was trying to be really quiet, and Felicity smiled while admiring him. She took a moment to think back to all the times he had been there for everyone. It was then that he noticed her. "I hope I didn't wake you." "No, I didn't sleep well last night." "I hope it wasn't because of Megan. I told her not to be so loud." "No, it wasn't that." Felicity grinned. "Good. Can I get you something to eat, something to drink?" "No, it's too early to eat," she said and sat down at the table. "Did Ben come home last night?" "I didn't hear him come in. Richard slept in Ben's old room, so I hope, for Ben's sake that he didn't go in there last night and think it was you in bed. Do you know where he could have gone?" "I don't know," Felicity said and looked worried. "Well, I caught up with him and told him that you two are meant for each other. You know, the obvious. I knew he wasn't coming back. I just hope he's OK." "I'm sure he'll be OK," Megan said as she came down the stairs. "What's going on?" Richard said as he walked out of the bedroom. "Who'll be OK? Because I have first dibs on Felicity helping Noel. Ben isn't going to screw this up for me." "Richard, I am going with you." Felicity said. "Good," Richard said and walked into the bathroom.  
  
An hour and a half later Felicity and Richard were at the airport. They said their good byes to Sean and Megan and waited for their flight to depart. As Felicity waited for their flight to begin boarding, she couldn't help looking for Ben. Every few seconds she would glance around the airport. He wasn't to be seen. Richard noticed this. "You looking for Ben?" "Yeah," "I don't think he's coming." "Me too." Once on the plane, and once Richard had his personal space set up, which left very little space for Felicity, a calm came over her. She knew that what she was doing was the right thing, no matter what happened with Ben, although she didn't know what would happen once she got back. "I can't believe that I am on an airplane again less than 24 hours after getting to New York." Felicity mumbled to herself. "Well I can't thank you enough for coming. You don't understand what it means to me to get him back OK. I went to visit Zoe once to see what info I could get out of her, and she was a wreck. You take Noel out of the equation and things turn to crap. He is the stabilizer in all our lives and we don't even know it. We all use him. All of us. Bastards." Felicity sat there and listened, and everything that Richard said, Felicity agreed with. "You for example, you seem to bring all your problems along and screw everything up." Richard said. "I know you don't mean to. I know that you and Ben are, well, going to get married and all, but I know Noel better than anyone." "I don't know, Zoe and I, we." "No," Richard barked. "I am pulling rank on this one. I spent the night in his dorm for a few days when my thermostat went ape dung, and I think that qualifies me to know Noel better than anyone else. And when you and him were together, that was the happiest I ever saw him. That was the. golden age" "No, he looked pretty happy on his wedding day." "That was just an up day. I mean I could have barbecues, satellite dishes, you name it in my dorm, when you two were together, and I could get away with it. Ever since those days, Noel's been treading water. Everyone threw a blind eye to it, myself included, but we all knew it was there. Ruby, Natalie, Jane, Zoe, they were just shadows of what he had with you. He's been looking ever since you chose Ben. Even now, he's still looking. I could hate you for it, because you ruined my life and his, but I like you. You're cute for one, and you make him happy. When you fell ill that night before his wedding, I thought that Noel had eaten beets or something. Everyone thought it was because he was nervous because of the wedding, but I knew that he was worried about you. There is something that exists between you two, something that you don't have with Ben, or anyone else, that Noel thrives on. And when you left New York, Noel was a jogger in Central Park who never returned." Felicity was in shock. Never had anyone broken it down for her like Richard just did. Richard raised his hand and rang the service bell. "Stewardess, water please! My throat is parched."  
  
"So there I was, on a plane with Richard of all people, and he was making complete sense. It wasn't like I was regretting the decision I had made choosing Ben over Noel at a point in my life. It was just that I felt bad for Noel, if Richard was right, that I hurt him the way I did. He even said it to me before his wedding that sometimes he thought that it would have been me he would have been marrying and that life doesn't work out the way you think sometimes. Tell me about it. I mean, could I have really had that big an impact on Noel's life? Richard seemed to think so, and I guess we would find out once and for all once we found him. When the plane landed, I was scared. I knew how Zoe felt. When you leave New York after becoming accustomed to it, another city just seems less impressive. Boston is nice and all, but it's no New York. I wondered what Noel was thinking leaving the way he did."  
  
Richard was on the lookout as soon as they were off the plane and in the terminal, expecting to see Noel anywhere and everywhere. Once in a cab on the way to the hotel, Richard started briefing Felicity. "I tracked Noel like the dog he is last time I was here. I know his movements, his actions, and his whereabouts. Our hotel is a block away from his apartment." "Apartment?" Felicity said. "Oh yes, I told you that Noel was in a downward spiral." "I never thought that he would be living here permanently." "Neither did I, until I saw him. He didn't want to talk. Seemed like he wanted to, but couldn't. I knew that my chances were slim and that I had to regroup. So when I heard that you were back in NYC, I knew I had the ball in my court. I knew I had a wild card. I knew I had a." "Richard, I get the picture." "OK. But know this. You must be gentile. I don't know what seeing you again is going to do to Noel. Be careful with him. I want him back in one piece." "I will," Felicity said. "Good. Here's our hotel. We should get situated and then start following him." Richard paid the fare and then followed Felicity to their room. "You know, saving water is very important. Want to shower together?" Richard said once they were in the room. "In your dreams." Felicity said and closed the door to the bathroom. "You have ten minutes. That's all we can spare. I have arranged a rendezvous with Noel at 1500 hours."  
  
Once on the street, Richard pulled out his map. He had marked a route of places he had seen Noel the last time he was here. He then removed two walkie-talkies and handed one to Felicity. "In case we are separated." Richard said. "Where should we start?" Felicity asked. "Well, we should probably start at his work. Beantown Graphics." Beantown Graphics was located in a large old brick house. The receptionist sat adjacent to the front door. Richard peaked his head around the corner and then started making military gestures. "Richard I have no idea what you are doing." "You mean to tell me that you didn't brush up on morse code, or Navy Seal hand gestures?" "No. We're just here to find Noel. Is that so dangerous?" "Sometimes I wonder what he saw in you." Richard retorted. "We just need to know if Noel is at work today. I will ask the receptionist and I'll be right back, OK?" Felicity opened the door and walked inside. The receptionist was very busy answering phones, putting people on hold and then directing their calls. Felicity leaned over the desk and waited for him to have a free moment. "Hello," Felicity said. The receptionist put his hand in her face and spoke into his headset. "Beantown Graphics, please hold." The receptionist pushed a few buttons and then directed the call. He then looked at Felicity like he didn't have the time of day for her. "Hi, I was wondering if Noel Crane was at work today." "And you are?" "Uhh, I'm Felicity." "Are you sure about that?" Felicity nodded her head. "Who are you with?" "Uhh, I am with. Icebox.com. He and I used to do 'Loser Pet Store' together." The receptionist threw down the headset and stood up to shake her hand. Outside, Richard was peaking through the window and was growing suspicious as to what method Felicity was using to get the info they needed. "You and Noel used to do Loser Pet Store? That was my favorite web cartoon in the whole world wide web! When it ended I was devastated! I'm like completely obsessed with it now that it's over." "I'm sorry to hear that, I had lots of fun working with Noel, which is kind of why I am here? I was wondering if you could page him for me?" "So, what inspired you to create such believable characters?" "Uhh, for Loser Pet Store? That was all Noel. I just helped with the art a little." "Well my life was changed forever." "I'm glad," Felicity paused. "So, is Noel here today?" The receptionist seemed to be saddened. "Noel no longer works here. He quit three weeks ago." "Really, how come?" "I don't know. He seemed really depressed while he was here, like he had left someone back home. Or someone had left him, you know?" Felicity took a moment to digest what she was hearing. "Yeah, I do." "I wish I could help. I know that he lived around the corner. He used to mope to work every morning." "Well thanks for your help." Felicity turned to leave. "Hey," the receptionist called out. Felicity turned back around. "You don't think I'm going to let you leave without an autograph do you?" "Of course not," Felicity said and returned to the desk. The receptionist removed a flyer with Loser Pet Store characters on it. He handed her a pen. "Make it out to Doug, from Felicity, and write although I barely know you, I feel that Loser Pet Store says a lot about you, and I wish that I could get to know you more." Felicity stood there listening and the started to write. "There you go, all finished." "Gee, thanks. It really means a lot." "Well we're even. Thanks for your help too." Felicity said and retreated from the building. Outside Richard was waiting. "What did you do to that poor guy?" "What do you mean? He was a fan of Loser Pet Store. He said that Noel quit three weeks ago." "Really. That sounds odd. Why would Noel quit the job that he left Zoe and moved here for?" "I don't know." "Well we must find out. Our mission will not be complete until Noel is flying back to New York with us." "We should check his apartment. You said that you knew where it was right?" The apartment was a block away. Felicity and Richard waited for a while to see if he would come out, but he didn't. Finally they went inside and went to his door. They knocked. Nothing. "We should probably wait a little while longer." Felicity said as she turned to Richard when she knew that Noel wasn't going to answer the door." They returned outside and sat in silence for a moment when Felicity started to look around. She then noticed something obvious and everything fell into place. There was a bar down the street called "Felicity's." Felicity grabbed Richard and pulled him along. The bar was a bit of dive, but inviting. It was an Irish pub, and it was pretty empty inside. Felicity made her way to the bartender and caught his attention. "What can I get for you?" "I was wondering if you had seen my friend. He is about six foot three, brown hair with big brown eyes. Hold on, I have a picture." Felicity removed her wallet and took out a picture of the gang together at his wedding. The bartender took it and looked at it and a smile lit up his face. "You must be Felicity." The bartender smiled. "How did you know?" "Noel gave me the idea of calling this place Felicity's." "He did? So he's been here?" "Been here, he practically lives here. He's in here all time. He usually gets here about noon and doesn't leave until ten at night. Just drinks and tells stories about his college days. All the customers love it. They are really great stories. When I bought this place a few months ago, I didn't have a name for it, so when he mentioned Felicity's, I thought it was great. Say, can I get you anything?" "No thanks," Felicity said and put the picture back in her wallet. "Speak of the devil," the bartender said, looking past Felicity. She turned around and there was Noel, standing at the door, gazing at her. He had grown stubble and his hair was long, but he still looked good. Richard stood up from the table he was sitting at and ran over to him and gave him a bear hug. Noel removed Richard and took a step forward. "Richard, please give me a second alone." Noel said and approached Felicity. "I come all this way and bring her, and you shut me out?" "Richard, in minute." "Fine," Richard huffed. "You want the usual, Noel?" The bartender asked. "No Ray. I'm good. Not drinking today." Noel said, his eyes locked on Felicity. Noel gave Felicity a weak smile that showed more pain than happiness. He then escorted her over to a table as Richard wandered outside. They sat down and looked at each other for a moment in silence. "Hey you," Noel smiled again, breaking the quiet. "Hey," Felicity replied. "So, I hear that I haven't been doing so good." "What's going on Noel? Sean and Richard said that you just left Zoe to come here. Then you quit your job?" "Yeah, well, it cut into my drinking. I thought coming here would be a good break from it all, but it seems that no matter where I go, I feel the same." "Are you ever going to come back to New York? We all miss you. And Zoe, what about her?" "I love Zoe. But even with her, there is still an emptiness inside me." "I know what you mean." Felicity sighed. "What?" "Ben proposed. again." Noel grinned, looked at the table in thought for a moment and then back at Felicity. "Congratulations." "Thanks. But I know how you feel. Back in Palo Alto, things just seemed to get too normal. I missed New York, I missed everyone. Ben is great and I love him and I can't wait to marry him, but everything just seemed to be on auto-pilot. When I got back to New York, I felt a rush energy hit me. I haven't told Ben yet, but I was thinking that we should move back." "Really," Noel seemed to prop up a bit. "So what did Ben think, you coming here to rescue me and all." "He didn't like it, but he could understand. I was being a little unfair with him, with the whole 'normal" thing. He ran off before I left and I haven't heard from him since." "I'm sorry to hear that." "It's OK. I knew I had to come." "So Richard had to recruit you?" "All he had to do was ask." Felicity said softly. Noel sat in thought for a moment. "I'm gonna tell you something, and it won't come as a surprise or anything, because everyone knows what I've been through. So just answer it as best you can." "OK," Felicity said and leaned back in wait. "What was it exactly that made you choose Ben over me? Was it looks, personality? Because ever since the end of my Sophomore year, when we were going to go to Germany together, I haven't been the same. I've been thinking about when it was that I changed, and I traced it back to that moment at the airport when I realized that you weren't coming. And ever since, I've just been climbing out from the hole I fell into." "Noel, I thought you were happy. You've had some great relationships since then." "Ruby cheated on me, the Natalie thing was just weird, OK, and Jane, well I had to read her personal e-mails to even get her to notice me." "What about Zoe?" "Zoe is wonderful. We've been through the same experiences, loving people who loved someone else. But she is the reason I keep going." Noel paused. "But she isn't you." Noel said and made eye contact with Felicity. "Noel, I don't know what to say." "And you don't need to say anything. I just needed you to know this. I tried to say it before, after you graduated and before my wedding, but it never came out the way I wanted it to. And when you left New York, the city seemed lonely. I couldn't see you or talk to you if I needed, and the phone and e-mail, well it just doesn't do us justice." "Richard said something during the flight here, that you and I have something that we don't have with anyone else. It sounded crazy when he said it, but the more it sunk in, the more I realized that it was true." Felicity said. Noel reached out his hand and she took it and held it. "I agree. I just wish, and I'm not saying that they will or anything, that things turned out differently." "Me too." Felicity said and then retracted. Did she just say something that might throw Noel into believing something that he shouldn't? She then looked at him and then saw that they were on the same plane. "So you are moving back to New York?" "How could I not?" Felicity replied. "Well then that's good enough for me." Noel said and released her hand and started to get up. "What do you say we blow this town?" "Sounds good to me," Felicity said and stood up with Noel. "I'll meet you outside, I've got to say good-bye to Ray. He kept me afloat these past few months." "OK," Felicity said and walked outside. Richard had his stethoscope out and was listening through the window. "Mission accomplished?" Richard asked. Felicity smiled and nodded her head. Richard hugged her tight as Noel walked out the door. "I thought that was for me." Noel said as he emerged outside. Richard ran to Noel and kissed him on the mouth. Noel backed away as Noel hugged him tight. "Don't ever leave me again!" Richard called out. "Why don't you meet me in my apartment," Noel said as he looked at Felicity over Richard's shoulder. He handed Richard the key and he raced across the street. Noel stood next to Felicity and they looked up at the bar sign. "I guess I could never really get away from you, huh?" "I guess not," Felicity smiled. "It gave me comfort." Noel said as he looked at the blinking light. "I'm glad," Felicity said. They walked across the street to his apartment. The apartment was practically empty. Noel's computer in the corner of the room and an old sofa made up the apartment. Noel was going through boxes and taking out vital things. "If my parents saw where I was living, they would think that I was a loser." Noel sighed as he picked up his computer and started unplugging the cords. "Noel, you are a loser." Richard said as he sat on the sofa. "How could you leave your house in Long Island to come and live here, with that bar light constantly blinking?" Noel looked out the window and smiled. "It didn't bother me much." "What are you going to do about the apartment. When is your lease up?" Felicity asked as she helped him pack up. "At the end of the month actually. I will get my brother Ryan to handle everything. He'll be happy to know that I am going back." "So, your parents never knew that you were back in Boston?" Richard asked. "No," Noel said as he stood up from kneeling down. "I saw Ryan once and told him not to tell them. Thank god he didn't." Noel looked around the apartment. "I'll let Ryan do what he wants with the rest of this stuff. I have the important things with me. You guys and.. my computer. Let's get out of here."  
  
"I was surprised how easy it was to get Noel to come back to New York. I was glad it was easy. I don't know if I could of had some intervention with Richard. With Noel back in New York now, I could never leave again. My family is there now. Why else would I want to go back home? "I called Megan and told her that we found Noel and that we would be back later that night. She said that Elena had called and said that she was going to be back the next day. I asked if they heard from Ben and she said that they hadn't. That he never came back. That is when I started to panic. I started to think about the time he and I were mugged at the loft and the times that he had been jumped on the streets. I prayed that he was safe, and I never pray."  
  
Ben sat on a set of steps near Dean & Deluca, debating if he wanted to go in. He hadn't seen Javier in a long time, and wanted to see him and talk to him. But he knew what he would be in for. Javier would state the obvious, that he and Felicity were made for each other and that this current conflict should not cause them to break up. Ben knew he would get that, but he wanted to do what Felicity was doing, and be off somewhere, in someone else's company. As he thought through his options, he realized that Javier was pretty much all he had. So he slowly got up and walked into the store. Javier was teaching an employee how to work the muffin tongs. Ben cracked a crooked smile and sat back to watch. "This is not a hammer Christopher. And the muffins are not your college professor's head. You can not squeeze the muffin until its brains fly out all over the place. The customer must eat the muffin. The customer cannot drink the muffin, OK?" Javier shook his head and turned around to see Ben standing there laughing. "Oh my goodness, what a week. First Julie, then Felicity, and now. Benjamin!" Javier said and came from behind the counter. He looked around to see if anyone was noticing. "You all are going to get me fired! This is my third instant break in as many days. But I am the manager, so come, sit down. Do you want a muffin?" Ben shook his head and removed his jacket. "Do you want a frappe?" Again, Ben shook his head. "How about an orange julius, they are new." "No, Javier. I am fine." "A doughnut? What. Let me get you something. Enjoy the food now that you don't have to serve it to greedy customers all day." "Ok, I'll have a coffee." Ben sighed. "Christopher, a coffee please!" Javier called out and the kid raced over to the coffee machine. Shortly thereafter a rumbling sound was heard and smoke rose from the coffee machine. Javier took notice and turned around. "Ohhh, Christopher, what have you done! I told you that you must respect the machine or it will bite. oh. just please clean the mess up. yes. please. Thank you." Javier sighed and then turned back around and pushed his glasses closer to his face. "These new kids are nothing like you and Felicity. But let me take a look at you. Oh, you look great. Felicity and you are going to make a fantastic bride and groom." "Yeah, if that happens." "Heavens, what do you mean? You shouldn't talk that way. Of course you and Felicity are going to get married. Felicity came in here yesterday and told me what was going on. I told her that you might go find Ms. Fake Gucci Bag again or something. But she loves you, Benjamin. Oh you kids haven't changed." "Yeah, but she went off to find Noel He is like depressed or something." "Noel? Depressed? He's got that tart of a wife, Zoe. What could be wrong?" "He doesn't have Felicity." Ben shot back. "Oh give it up, you. He is married and she is engaged. Do you know how many times she moped around here with her pretty little head down on the ground because of you? Do you think that she is about to give all that work up for nothing? Benjamin you are crazy." "Yeah, but she said she was like bored or something." "You need to spice things up a bit then. Buy her some flowers. Show her some excitement." "Well, it's hard because she's always either taking classes at the art museum or working at the health center with her Dad." "You must find time, Benjamin." "I know. It's just that, finally things seemed to be working out and now all this happens." "This is life, and you cannot predict it. Sometimes you must troll with the punches. Do you think I wanted to lose Samuel? No. But now I am back on the market. So you better be there for Felicity when she gets back because I guarantee that she is going to be different when she comes back." "OK," Ben smiled. "So you said that Julie is back in town? What, did she stop by or something?" "Oh you, you better not get any ideas." "No, Felicity is helping Noel, I can see one of my old friends. And I promise, nothing will happen." Javier shot him a look. "What? I swear." "You better or I will find you and spank you until your cute little hindparts are red. You hear me?" "Yes, Javier, yes I do." Ben laughed. "Can you give me her number?" Javier shot him another look. "Benjamin. Her butt is a muffin. Do not bite it." "Javier, I won't, jeez." "Repeat after me, Julie's butt is a muffin." "I'm not going to say that, I'm not" "Benjamin, I am not going to give you her number then." "OK, Julie's butt is like a muffin." "And no matter how good that muffin looks, I am not going to bite the muffin." "I am not going to bite the muffin. There I said it, what's her number." "OK, you stay here and I will be back." Javier got up and retrieved the number. He gave it to Ben. "You don't do anything stupid." "I won't. Thanks." Ben said and left the store. Outside Ben found a pay phone and inserted the proper change. He dialed Julie's number and she picked up after a few rings. "Hello?" "Julie?" "Who's this?" She questioned. "Take a guess." Ben replied. Julie remained silent for a moment in thought. "Oh my god. This isn't Ben, is it?" "Yes, yes it is." "What are you doing calling me? How did you get my number?" "I'm actually in New York. I stopped buy and saw Javier. He gave me your number, I hope you don't mind." "No, I don't mind at all. Where are you exactly?" "Right outside Dean & Deluca actually." "Well, hop in a taxi and get over here!" "OK, I'll be right there." Ben said and hung up, leaving the phone with a smile on his face.  
  
"Getting a ticket home was a big problem on such short notice, not to mention really expensive. Noel covered it all, it seemed that even though he wasn't working for the last month he still had a lot of money. It was great to have him back. It seemed like the hard part was over, but I knew it would be hard for him to see Zoe again. "I knew that I had a hard time in front of me too. I had to find Ben and then tell him that I have never doubted what we had. Then I had to tell him somehow that I wanted to move back to New York. I don't know how he would take it. Being on the other side of the country away from Andrew might bother him, but he only saw him maybe once a month. I don't know. I just wanted to get back and put things together again."  
  
On the plane, Richard was fast asleep. Felicity and Noel sat next to each other. "So what do you think I should say to Zoe?" Noel asked. "Noel, I don't know what to say. I guess that you made a mistake and that you're sorry. But I can't give you advice when I don't even know what I am going to say to Ben, if I ever find him." "Never heard from him, huh. Well, he's probably just playing basketball or something." "I hope. It would be a long game of basketball. No one has heard from him since I left." "Look at us. Here we are in the same sad situation. Both of us unsure of what lies ahead again." Noel said. Felicity looked at Noel. She smiled. "And you remember what happened last time we both felt this way." Noel smiled and looked away. "Yeah, despite all the problems it caused, it was probably the best night of my life." Noel confessed. Felicity smiled, a little embarrassed. "But that was a long time ago, and just a sign that we would never work. As happy as I was because of what happened, I had to keep it a secret. And you were so worried about Ben finding out. I don't know, there must have been a moment or two were it was nice." "Yes, it was." Felicity said. "I never told Ben this, but I don't regret that night too much. If it had never happened, that would be the one thing I would have left New York wondering about. But at least things turned out OK, well, until now." Noel smiled. He laughed to himself very slightly. He looked away. They would be in New York soon. "I am glad you are moving back to the city. Knowing that you are there, keeps me balanced. And I promise, I won't try to make you uncomfortable or anything. I love Zoe and I am determined to make this work. It's just great to have everyone back together again." "Yeah even Julie." "Julie?" "Javier told me that she's performing at the Garden soon, opening up for some band." "Wow, that's great." Noel said and paused. "You know, I bet that is where. "Ben went." Felicity finished his sentence. She put her head in her hands and sighed loudly. "I really screwed up, didn't I?" "Look, I know that I am half the reason that you are in this situation. I will go see Ben and talk to him. Lay it all on the line." "I hope you don't lay too much on the line." "No, the gory details I will leave out." Noel smiled. "Richard was right. We do have something that we don't have with other people. But it could never work. You love Ben and I love Zoe. But we do need each other, and I think that is what my little bender proved. I think Ben knows this all ready, but maybe he needs to be reminded." "If it's not too late and he hasn't all ready." "Ben would never dare to lose you know. Once you propose, the stakes are raised. Ben would be a fool to do something like that." Felicity looked at Noel and smiled. "You're right. And it would be good for you to see him. I would really appreciate that." "I'll do it first thing." Noel said. The plane was nearing the airport and the city was laid out underneath them. "You know, whenever I saw this view, coming in for a landing, I was always happy because I knew you would be down there somewhere. But now I am happy because you are here with me, helping me start something new." "I love New York," Felicity said. "For so many reasons."  
  
"Talking with Noel always makes me feel better. I know Ben would kill me for saying this, but do you think it's possible to love two people? I am in love with Ben, but I love Noel probably just as much. Not in the same way, and not like he's my brother, but as a really good friend. I know that Ben is the only reason that I ever met Noel, but I have to say, and I know that it's terrible now that I am engaged to Ben, that I can't help but wonder what being married to Noel would be like. "I know you think I am crazy and I know what you are thinking too. Being married to Noel would be the exact same thing that I thought marrying Ben would be, something 'normal.' But Noel is so kind and gentile. He is different than Ben. Sally, what did I ever do to get into this situation? And what am I going to do if Ben is with Julie and something happened between them? I don't think I would ever forgive myself for it." 


End file.
